Monday, June 24, 2013

Frank Zappa's Best LPs

I've listed Frank's top 100 songs or thereabouts elsewhere. What about his LPs? Mainly I've tried to stay with LPs with original music, meaning I stayed away from Mothermania, You Can't Do That on Stage, most of the posthumous LPs, etc.

1. One Size Fits All (1975). Since the day it was released, this has always been my favorite of the 62 collections of music that Frank Zappa released during his lifetime. There are of course many posthumous LPs released by the Zappa Family Trust, at least 1 of which appears on this list, but let's face it. If none of his 1st 62 LPs appealed to you, the posthumous LPs aren't going to break through, either.

Anyway, I loved Frank's earliest work on up through Chunga's Revenge (1970), but his '70s work generally hadn't grabbed me like his '60s output had done. He especially lost me, as his chart numbers suggest he lost a lot of people, during his instrumental interlude. It was only later that I learned to love The Grand Wazoo (1972). Over-Nite Sensation (1973) was OK and Apostrophe (1974) was even better, but I've never been a big fan of Roxy & Elsewhere (1974), and now he hadn't released a new LP in a year. It was his longest silence ever. Was Frank finished?

Not by a long shot. I had seen him play live at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos, CA, the previous summer (1974) with Ruth, George Duke, Napoleon Murphy Brock...it was Frank's best band ever. Still Roxy was a rehash of the past. I craved something new.

One Size Fits All satisfied that craving, it really hit the spot. "Inca Roads," in particular, jumped out at you. The lyrics are classic Zappa lunacy--something about a spaceship landing somewhere in the Andes, perhaps on an airstrip (an "Inca Road") constructed for that purpose. The song is George Duke's primary legacy as a member of Zappa's band. Duke sings and plays a terrific synthesizer solo. Ruth Underwood's marimba is also very prominent, especially on the herky-jerky main rhythm riff, though Frank's electric guitar also stretches out and dominates that second half of the song or thereabouts. Still, the song concludes with George Duke's minute-and-a-half keyboard solo, then more silliness, "Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there... Did someone build a place or leave a space for such a thing to land...on Ruth, on Ruth, woo-hoo, that's Ruth." Say what?

And then of course there are "Sofa No. 1" and "Sofa No. 2," more of Frank's existential lunacy. The song pimps the philosophical lingo--"I am the heaven, I am the waters," then shifts into German, "Ich bin der chrome dinette"--well, "chrome dinette" is English, isn't it--"Du bist mein sofa." I mean, all this high-falutin' existential mumbo jumbo is German, right? Live, this was all part of a longer stage bit in which Mark Volman would pretend to be a sofa. Zappa released at least 10 different versions of the song. And, after Zappa's death, Steve Vai played lead on a version of "Sofa" for the tribute album, Zappa's Universe, and won a grammy for that performance. As much as I admire Vai's version (I always referred to it as Frank's Funeral March), the original vocal by Flo and Eddie, "Sofa No. 2," remains the standard as far as I am concerned.

And Frank surrounds these 3 pieces with a number of solid rock songs, especially "Can't Afford No Shoes," but also "Pojama People," "Andy" and "San Ber-dino." But if it is Frank's utterly inspired, ridiculously catchy word play that you truly love, this is the LP for you.

2. You Are What You Is (1981). This is really quite unique among Frank's massive output. It is 1 of very very few (perhaps the only) record with no live tracks, no spoken passages, no collage or pastiche-type formatting.... It is just a collection of rock 'n roll songs--20 of them, as it happens--with a beginning, a middle and an end, and then a pause before the start of the next song.

And what a collection it is. A series of putdowns, basically, of all the charlatans and show-offs and pretensions of the day, from that old stand-by, the TV preacher ("Heavenly Bank Account") to society matrons ("The Society Pages") to supermodels ("Beauty Knows No Pain") and other jet-setters and beautiful people on drugs ("Charlie's Enormous Mouth") to failed suicides ("Suicide Chump") and many more. There's also several "love" songs of the typically Zappaesque scatalogical variety ("Harder Than Your Husband,""Goblin Girl"). Then the LP ends on a more overtly political note with "Drafted Again" ("I don't want to get drafted/I don't wanna go"). 

But as brilliant and as hilarious as the social commentary is, what makes this such a great record is the super-tight rock 'n roll band accompaniment by Frank and Steve Vai on guitar, Tommy Mars on keys, Arthur Barrow on bass, Ed Mann on percussion, and an army of rhythm guitars. It's just got a great rock sound with more rhythm and drive and less in the way of flashy solos and sound effects than 1 would ordinarily expect from Frank. I'm glad that not every album sounded like this, but this 1 time it was just perfect.

3. Broadway the Hard Way (1989). Late Frank, about 6 years after he had stopped charting. A totally overlooked and underestimated masterpiece, in other words. The centerpieces are, well, 3 in number. 1st, there's a sequence of 3 songs: "Bacon Fat," where Frank inserts his own political commentary into a song by Andre Williams; then "Stolen Moments," a jazz "standard" by Oliver Nelson with a lovely trumpet solo by Walt Fowler; and, finally, Sting strolls out onto the stage to sing "Murder by Numbers," which brings down the house.

Then there's the incredible "Dickie's Such an Asshole," which of course goes way back to the days of Dick Nixon. Thank goodness Frank got this on to a record, even if it was a generation after the fact. What a fabulous putdown of the tricky one. "I used to have 25 tapes/Now I only got 10/Can't remember what happened to the rest/Must a gave 'em to a friend/Gave a couple to Bebe Rebozo/Gave a couple to Pat Boone...." 

And finally "Hot Plate Heaven at the Green Hotel," a breakneck-paced rocker about poverty in America. "Republicans is fine if you're a multimillionaire/Democrats is fair if all you own is what you wear/But neither of 'ems really right 'cause neither of 'em care/About that hot plate heaven, 'cause they ain't been there."

The horn work is absolutely exquisite throughout.

4. We're Only In It for the Money (1968). It's tough to choose among Franks 1st 3 great records: Freak Out, Absolutely Free and then We're Only In It for the Money. But it seems to me that the satire of the latter is so biting, so right on, so chilling, that Money has to be the choice among that group. I mean, this is the hard stuff, mostly directed toward the adult word, the parents of Frank's fans.

"Mom and Dad:" "Ever wonder why you're daughter looks so sad/It's such a drag to have to love a plastic mom and dad."

"Mother People:" "Better take a look around before you say you don't care/Shut your fucking mouth about the length of my hair/How could you survive if you were alive/Shitty little person."

"What's the Ugliest Part of Your Body?:" "All your children are poor unfortunate victims of systems beyond their control/A plague upon your ignorance and the gray despair of your ugly lives..../All your children are poor unfortunate victims of lies you believe/A plague upon your ignorance that keeps the young from the truth they deserve."

Then, of course, there's the album cover art which is a satire on the hated Beatles and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. We're Only In It for the Money is meant to describe John, Paul, George and Ringo and their motivations. Sgt. Pepper's went to #1 on the Billboard charts but, hey, Frank's response went to #30.

5. Absolutely Free (1967). Frank's 2nd LP, Absolutely Free followed Freak Out! by 10 months and pre-dated We're Only In It for the Money by 11. Both present a pastiche of song pieces and parts of 1 to 2 or 2-and-a-half minutes). Money featured 18 such snippets, Free just 11, yet both timed out at 38-39 minutes. That's because each had a lengthy instrumental piece (Money featured "The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny," Free "Invocation and Ritual Dance of the Young Pumpkin"), but Free also had a 7-minute piece of social commentary called "Brown Shoes Don't Make It:" "Life's ball/TV tonight/Do you love it/Do you hate it/There it is the way you made it..../Be a loyal plastic robot/For a world that doesn't care."

"Plastic People," "The Duke of Prunes," "Call Any Vegetable"...there's a bunch of other classics here, too, but Free also differs from Money in that here the songs more or less stand alone, while on Money Frank strings everything together into 1 single devastating critique of American life.

6. Joe's Garage, Acts 1, 2 and 3 (1979). Frank released Joe's Garage in 2 chunks--Act I and then Acts II and III. But that was almost surely a mere commercial consideration. Joe's Garage was always meant as 1 single work of art, and 1 easily hears it that way.

Joe is living the American dream. He and his friends play rock 'n roll in the garage. Girls ("Catholic Girls," "Crew Slut(s)") dig it. But then the government outlaws rock 'n roll, but Joe keeps on playing. Eventually he is sent to jail. "I've got it," he decides, "I'll be sullen and withdrawn." He plays imaginary guitar soloes in his head until finally he decides--"I wonder what it's like on the outside now"--to do as he's told so that he can return to society. (His last imaginary guitar solo is the beautiful "Watermelon in Easter Hay.")

There's a dozen great songs here though the Central Scrutinizer--Frank, narrating the story, providing the needed context and connectivity among the songs in a speaking voice--gets annoying about halfway through the record the very 1st time. Now, after 30-plus years, it's nearly intolerable. Still, the songs--from the slow blues of "Lucille" to the hard-drivin' "Packard Goose"--are so good that one tolerates it, over and over again.

7. The Grand Wazoo (1973). After 15 records, this one, the 16th, was the 1st that didn't chart. Over the course of 30 years, his instrumental records didn't chart as highly as his vocal albums and this was his 2nd straight (mostly) instrumental record. Still, The Grand Wazoo is a terrific jazzy fusion record with super horn ensemble work and great guitar and piano solos by Frank and by George Duke. The title track really says it all and "Eat That Question" has a terrific piano solo.

8. Freak Out! (1966). This is Frank's 1st record and he pulled out all the stops to shock (and delight) his listeners. How in the world this ever got released, much less charted at #130, is beyond me, it is so weird, so offensive, so, well, as the title of David Walley's biography of Frank says, lacking in commercial potential. But it obviously caught an audience that thought Frank's social satire was just what the world needs now....

"Hungry Freaks Daddy" and "Who Are the Brain Police" are classics of Frank's social satirical style, and then there's the somewhat unique case of "Trouble Every Day," which features basically rock 'n roll instrumentation without all the sound effects and interruptus the characterizes so much of Frank's early work. And the lyric and Frank's totally pissed-off vocal! 

"Well, I seen the fires burnin'/And the local people turnin'/On the merchants and the shops/Who used to sell them brooms and mops/And every other household item/Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em/And they say it served 'em right/Because of few of 'em were white...." Frank goes on, however, to see the other side of the matter and to ask how it might change. "Don't you know that this could start/On any street in any town/In any state if any clown/Decides that now's the time to fight/For some ideal he thinks is right/And if a million more agree/There ain't no Great Society/As it applies to you and me/Our country isn't free/And the law refuses to see/If all that you can ever be/Is just a lousy janitor/Unless your uncle owns the store/You know that five in every four/Just won't amount to nothin' more/Gonna watch the rats go 'cross the floor/And make up songs about bein' poor."

9. Chunga's Revenge (1970). Chunga represented the start of a new era for Zappa, that being the Flo  and Eddie era, and the highlight of Chunga's Revenge is the lovely doo-wop tale of unrequited love, "Sharleena," passionately sung by the former Turtles vocalists. Still, the other vocal numbers are also highly entertaining. "Would You Go All the Way" presents a fellow from the USO who cannot take no for an answer: "Would you go all the way/For the U.S.A." "Tell Me You Love Me," well, here it's just your ordinary generic fellow who cannot take no for an answer. And "Rudy Wants to Buy Yez a Drink" depicts the band getting shaken down by another of Zappa's nemeses, the fellow from the musician's union.

There are also several nice instrumentals, chiefly "Twenty Small Cigars."

10. Apostrophe (') (1974). Apostrophe (') was Frank's highest charting album at #10, mostly because it also featured his 1st charting single, "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow,"which reached #86. ("Yellow Snow" was just the 1st of a 4-song cycle about, er, yellow snow and baby seals and such.) More memorable, however, is the 6 minute song of the same title ("Apostrophe"), a driving instrumental jam featuring the power trio of Frank, Jack Bruce and Jim Gordon. But along with "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow," the song "Stink-Foot" also got some radio play, and the two songs went a long way in creating the image of Frank as an old slightly foul-mouthed provocateur as opposed to the truly foul-mouthed and dangerous social critic that he really was.

Finally "Kosmik Debris" is 1 of Frank's funniest assaults on the various conventions surrounding hippiedom and other new age mumbo-jumbo.

11. Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970). Weasels was the 2nd Mothers album released after Frank disbanded his original band the previous year. Weasels consisted entirely of live material, much of instrumental improvisation. Chunga opened the new post-Mothers era just 2 months later.

On the other hand, there were three "songs"--Sugarcane Harris singing "Directly from My Heart to You," the classic "Oh No," and "My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama.""Toads of the Short Forest" is a pretty, melodic instrumental, and ditto "Dwarf Nebula Processional March and Dwarf Nebula," but most of the rest has a harder edge to it, mostly notably the title track, consisting of 2 minutes of total, balls-out noise and feedback. Actually, it works very nicely.

12. Over-Nite Sensation (1973). Over-Nite Sensation got Frank back on the charts and all the way back up to #32 after the mostly instrumental records Waka/Jawaka (#152) and The Grand Wazoo (Frank's 1st non-charting LP). In polite company, "Montana" is credited for the record's popularity, while among less polite company "Dinah-Moe Humm" is more likely to get the credit. "Montana" is of course an inoffensively funny ditty in the tradition of "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" and "Stink-Foot." "Dinah-Moe Humm" is probably Frank's most foul-mouthed and offensive tune ever, in the tradition of, ah, "Dinah-Moe Humm" and little else. "I couldn't say where she was comin' from/but I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm/She stroll on over, say look here, bum/I got a forty dollar bill says you can't make me cum." And it goes downhill from there.

13. The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life (1991). 1 of 3 CDs from the 1988 world tour, this one is best known for a series of unlikely covers--Ravel's "Bolero," "Sunshine of Your Love," "Purple Haze," "Stairway to Heaven," Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire," "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling," "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" and "The Theme from 'Bonanza.'" "Bolero" is truly a classic, basically playing the piece straight but substituting instruments, most notably Bruce Fowler's trombone, for Ravel's choices.

14. Burnt Weenie Sandwich (1970). As noted above, this was 1 of 2 LPs of Mothers material released after Frank disbanded the Mothers in 1969. This was mostly instrumental music, most notably the lovely "Aybe Sea" and "Holiday in Berlin." The vocal numbers, "WPLJ" and "Valarie" are covers of too-wop tunes, one an up-tempo celebration of white port lemon juice, the other a heartbreaker, both sung by Frank.

15. You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Volume 6 (1991). My favorite from the YCDTOSA series because it contains the truly definitive version of "Strictly Genteel," which I always understood as Frank's take on "Pomp and Circumstance." This version is from a 1981 concert. The lead instrument throughout is a keyboard synthesizer played, I believe, by Tommy Mars or Bobby Martin.

But this particular collection also includes live (of course) versions of "Dirty Love," "Dinah-Moe Humm," "Camarillo Brillo," "Catholic Girls," "Crew Slut," "Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance," among, well, 37 tracks in total.

16. Studio Tan (1978). Frank's lowest charting record since The Grand Wazoo 6 years earlier, there's really not a lot to recommend Studio Tan other than "Redunzl." But "Redunzl" is 1 of Frank's unquestioned masterpieces, a tour de force is instrumental riffing that always sounded to me like a satire of the music from "Leave It to Beaver" or "Mayberry RFD." After a vigorous introductory flourish, the piece settles into a more languid mood and melody alternating between John Berkman's piano and George Duke's electronic keyboards, doubled by (apparently Frank on) marimba. The pace quickens a bit and Frank enters on electric guitar. Another 2 minutes and the pace quickens again and Berkman comes back with a vigorous piano solo. Finally there's a return to the introductory theme played with new intensity to the end. Brilliant.

17. The Man from Utopia (1983). This LP is mainly noteworthy for the instrumentals "Moggio" and "We Are Not Alone," in which Frank dubbed bari sax solos by Marty Krystall on to otherwise live tracks. Both were later covered, beautifully, by the Ed Palermo Big Band. "The Dangerous Kitchen" is a funny bit of word play.

18. Hot Rats (1969). Hot Rats seemed like a big departure for Frank, coming after the Big 3 (Freak Out!, Free and Money) and Uncle Meat, basically. Hot Rats consisted of what most anybody could recognize as "songs," and that was something new for Frank. Two of the songs, as it happened, were also instant classics--"Peaches en Regalia" of Frank's pretty instrumental genre, and "Willie the Pimp" of his decidedly unpretty and deliberately offensive work, and the 2 of them coming directly back-to-back as the 1st and 2nd tracks on the record as if to say, Hey, man up, what's a little schizophrenia among friends?

19. Imaginary Diseases (2005). The highest rated of the posthumous releases, this is mostly in recognition of the instrumental "Rollo" from a live show in 1972. You hear so many familiar instrumental themes and sounds in "Rollo" that you hardly know where to start. Everything here is from 1972 and basically features the Grand Wazoo band. How could it not be a wonderful find?

20. Zappa in New York (1978). Recording in 1976, this was originally released in 1977, then withdrawn and re-released in 1978. The 1978 version is what most people heard. It has a terrific version of "Sofa" with Mike Brecker's saxophone in the lead. There are also "Big Leg Emma" and "Honey, Don't You Want a Man Like Me," Zappa compositions but reminiscent of the '60s doo-wop that he also sometimes covered.

21. Just Another Band from L.A. (1972). From a 1971 concert and featuring Flo and Eddie. Once upon a time, I thought that "Billy the Mountain," which fills side 1 of the original vinyl, was the funniest thing I had ever heard. Since then, it's been hard to recreate the frame of mind in which it struck me that way, however.

22. Sheik Yerbouti (1979). A lot of Sheik Yerbouti didn't work, but there is the totally brilliant "Yo' Mama," a Zappa putdown song ("Maybe you should stay with yo' mama/she could do your laundry and cook for you/Maybe you should stay with yo' mama/You're really kinda stupid and ugly too") that leads into 9 minutes of the best guitar Frank ever played. But the other 73 minutes (with the exception of the wonderful "Baby Snakes") is just too much.

23. Zoot Allures (1976). "Black Napkins" being the chief pleasure.

24. Cruisin' with Reuben & the Jets (1968). Some people thought there was a real band named Reuben & the Jets. A bunch of too-wop songs from the sublime to the ridiculous.

25. Fillmore East, June 1971 (1971). The height of Flo and Eddie-ness.

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