The Big 10
A lot of these songs--a lot of Zappa songs--have been released in many different versions. I going to talk about the ones that stand out for me, the ones that introduced me to the song, the ones (if any) that superceded the original. There are other versions out there, to be sure, that some of you may be more familiar with. God bless you if you are.
1. Sofa No. 2, from One Size Fits All (1975). "Sofa" is of course a bit of existential Zappa lunacy from what I call his 2nd period. Post-Mothers but still Warner Brothers. The song pimps the philosophical lingo--"I am the heaven, I am the waters," then shifts into German, "Ich bin der chrome dinette"--well, "chrome dinette" is English, isn't it--"Du bist mein sofa." I mean, all this high-falutin' existential mumbo jumbo is German, right?
Live, this was all part of a longer stage bit in which Mark Volman would pretend to be a sofa.
Zappa released at least 10 different versions of the song. On One Size Fits All, "Sofa No. 1" was an instrumental and "Sofa No. 2" included the vocal. Another instrumental version was released the following year on Zappa in New York. The original featured guitar, this 1 featured Mike Brecker on saxophone. On You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Vol. 1, "Sofa No. 1" was the vocal and "Sofa No. 2" was the instrumental. It was recorded as "Divan" on Playground Psychotics.
After Zappa's death, Steve Vai played lead on a version of "Sofa" for the tribute album, Zappa's Universe, and won a grammy for that performance. I have always referred to this performance as the Zappa Funeral March though the song is of course not a march at all. It is a waltz, but features an emphatic, squared-off rhythm that suggests a march. The melody is 8 long, languid bars consisting mostly of rising hymn-like lines that, whether sung or played, leave plenty of space for instrumental and vocal filigree.
As much as I admire Vai's version, the original vocal by Flo and Eddie, "Sofa No. 2," remains the standard as far as I am concerned.
2. The Grand Wazoo, from The Grand Wazoo (1973). Amazingly, Frank's 1st 15 album releases all made the Billboard charts, until in 1973 The Grand Wazoo failed to do so. I would attribute this to his fan's preference for his vocal recordings--his social commentary and scatology being what he was best known for, certainly at that time. The Grand Wazoo was, on the other hand, mostly an instrumental record. Previously, his instrumental records had charted on average at around #140 on Billboard, his vocal records around #90 on average. This was also the 2nd consecutive instrumental record. Waka/Jawaka had come out earlier in 1973 and charted at #152. After The Grand Wazoo, Frank returned to making vocal albums and the next 4 charted in the top 50, the next 7 in the top 100.
But seriously, The Grand Wazoo is just a gorgeous record, with impeccably played horn section work and a mix of acoustic and electric guitar--mostly electric, though "Blessed Relief" features a beautiful acoustic solo.
The title song features a 2/4 shuffle rhythm, and opens with an understated guitar solo that quickly gives way to the horn section stating the main melodic themes. The rhythm (Aynsley Dumbar on drums and Alex Dmochowski on bass) begins to punch things up and a much harder-driving guitar solo follows. Then the horns takeover for about 8 minutes of solos--I think thats Bill Byers on trombone and Sal Marquez on trumpet--and, finally, a restatement of the main themes by the section as a whole. A short keyboard solo (I think that's George Duke) and finally another restatement by the horns closes things out.
3. Inca Roads, from One Size Fits All (1975). The lyrics are more of that inspired Zappa lunacy--something about a spaceship landing somewhere in the Andes, perhaps on an airstrip (an "Inca Road") constructed for that purpose. The song is George Duke's primary legacy as a member of Zappa's band. Duke sings and plays a terrific synthesizer solo. Ruth Underwood's marimba is also very prominent, especially on the herky-jerky main rhythm riff, though Frank's electric guitar also stretches out and dominates that second half of the song or thereabouts.
And then there's the fact that while this is 1 of Frank's absolute masterpieces, it's also that exceedingly rare case--maybe the only case--where there's a cover that's better. I could only be referring to Zappa Plays Zappa's incredible version, almost doubling the time from 8:35 to 14:42 mostly by virtue of Dweezil pretty much doubling Frank's guitar solo. Frank's 3-minute excursion was a long solo in its day, but Dweezil ups that to about 6 minutes and 7 or 8 choruses of gradually building intensity.
There is then a return to Frank's arrangement followed by another excursion by pianist by Aaron Arntz (I'm talking of course of the CD and DVD version from ZPZ's initial tour) accompanied by some really stellar bass work by Pete Griffin. After 3 minutes (which also doubles George Duke's minute-and-a-half) the band returns to the original arrangement and Frank's silly closing, "Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there... Did someone build a place or leave a space for such a thing to land...on Ruth, on Ruth, woo-hoo, that's Ruth."
Dweezil has said he'll never play "Watermelon in Easter Hay" because that is Frank's signature. But this is Dweezil's signature and it is a thing of great beauty.
4. Oh No, from Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970). This is another 1 that appeared in many different forms during Frank's early years: 1st on the 1968 version of Lumpy Gravy, where it is frankly (pardon the pun) buried in a pastiche of mind-bending music and sound. Then more memorably on Weasels Ripped My Flesh, where the song just seems to have a better platform and is presented more seriously and its message comes through more understandably. This is another of Frank's putdowns of the hippie philosophy of the time--"All you need is love" and all of that. This is in fact Frank's "Positively Fourth Street." But while this version was released in 1970, the song is definitely from the original Mothers era of 1967-68-69.
"Oh, no, I don't believe it/You say that you think you know the meaning of love/You say love is all we need/You say with your love you can change/All of the fools, all of the hate/I think you're probably out to lunch...All your love/Will it save me/All your love/Will it save the world/From what we can't understand?"All with a Ray Collins vocal that is at once soaring and smirking. This is the version most worthy of remembering, though there is a tasty instrumental version from the same period on You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Vol. 1.
5. Watermelon in Easter Hay, from Joe's Garage Acts II & III (1979). The conceit is that Joe, voiced on the record by Frank himself, of course, has gone to jail because he dared to play rock 'n roll music after it is outlawed by the government. In jail he is told he must reform himself and repent his sins and abandon his music if he is ever to return to free society. He tries, but continues to play imaginary guitar solos in his head. But finally he is determined to give it up, and he dubs "Watermelon in Easter Hay" his final imaginary guitar solo before changing his ways. It is a slow and a lovely tune that is generally regarded, certainly by Dweezil, as Frank's signature song.
6. Blessed Relief, from The Grand Wazoo (1973). I remember once playing this for a friend who professed that she could not listen to Frank Zappa. She said, "This is nice. Who is it?" A trumpet plays a soft, relaxing melody, then vamps for several courses--I believe that is Sal Marquez. George Duke follows with an understated piano solo. and then gives way to Frank's acoustic guitar, which continues in the same vein. The song closes with the main theme. A very pretty tune and a very tasteful 9 minute performance.
7. Strictly Genteel, from You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Vol. 6 (1988). Originally "The Finale" from 200 Motels in 1971, "Strictly Genteel"showed up next on Orchestral Favorites in 1979. The best version is the one mentioned above, but while the CD was released in 1988, the performance is from a 1981 concert at the Palladium in New York with Tommy Mars and Bobby Martin on keyboards. Ed Mann is credited with percussion, which I take to include the marimba which very conspicuously doubles the keyboard melodies. Frank throws in some stately guitar lines, as well as some more modest acoustic guitar melodies. Chad Wackerman on drums and Scott Thunes on bass make you want to get up and march around the room, though like "Sofa," this is not a march but a waltz.
But in any event the soaring keyboards are what make this song great.
Well, that and Frank's outro. Apparently this closed the show. Frank comes on around the 6 minute mark and says, "Thanks for coming to the show tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't throw stuff on the stage."
The song is a modern "Pomp and Circumstance" to me. I can just see bunch of kids marching into and out of their high school graduation to this. That would be totally inspired.
8. Yo' Mama, from Sheik Yerbouti (1979). A pretty standard Zappa putdown. "Maybe you should stay with your mama/She could do your laundry and cook for you/Maybe you should stay with your mama/You're really kinda stupid and ugly too.... You ain't really made for bein' out in the street/Ain't much hope for a fool like you/'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat."
After a big keyboard bridge, Frank spends the next 9 minutes beating on his guitar, hard. I mean, with what sounds to me like real anger. It's mostly solo for about 3 minutes when the bass and drums join in.
"The Grand Wazoo," "Watermelon in Easter Hay,' ":Yo' Mama," these are Frank's 3 best guitar solos.
9. Trouble Every Day, from Freak Out (1966). Here we're talkin' about the original version. Gotta be the original. The disgust with what was goin' on was palpable, and neither Frank nor any other vocalist has ever captured that tone. The music is primitive, but no more so than, say, the Butterfield Blues Band. But its intensity was unquestioned. "Eve of Destruction" was about as intense as protest music got in those days--and it may not be fashionable to say, but "Eve of Destruction" was pretty intense; I think Barry McGuire meant it--but it had nothin' on this. In fact, I had never heard anything as absolutely pissed off as this.
10. Hot Plate Heaven in the Green Hotel, from Broadway the Hard Way (1989). This LP is an unexpected and underrated masterpiece of political commentary and satire. But 1st and foremost, "Hot Plate Heaven" just rocks out something fierce. The horn section is spectacular, and Kurt McGettrick's bari sax in particular just drives it home. Frank then takes off an 4 minutes of free-form anger in a solo that recalls "Yo' Mama."
"Hot Plate Heaven" is, of course, a flop house: "Republicans is fine if you're a multimillionaire/Democrats is fair if all you own is what you wear/But neither of 'em's really right 'cause neither of 'em care/About the hot plate heaven, 'cause they ain't been there."
The Next 10
11. Redunzl, from Studio Tan (1978). Actually it's spelled "Redunzl" on the vinyl LP, "Rdunzl" on the CD. Either way, it's an amusing little instrumental that sounds for all the world like a send-up of insipid TV music. The title seems to be a take-off of Rapunzel from the Grimm Fairy Tale, and maybe it was inspired by some made-for-TV version thereof. I really have no idea. But to my ear, it sounds more like it would accompany "Leave It to Beaver," except it would be a somewhat bent, Zappaesque version of Beaver.
I don't know if it's George Duke or John Berkman--Duke is credited as playing keyboards, Berkman is credited as playing the piano--but there's a terrific piano solo and piano throughout that really carries the song along.
12. Lucille Has Really Messed Up My Mind, from Joe's Garage, Act I (1979). A mid-tempo reggae-style blues number, this was originally recorded by Jeff Simmons on, er, Jeff Simmons, where the writing credit goes to LaMarr Bruister. Ike Willis' vocal is vastly preferred to Simmons,' by the way.
13. Society Pages
14. Heavenly Bank Account
15. Suicide Chump, all from You Are What You Is (1981). I have never been able to decide what is the best song on You Are What You Is, but I do know that You Are What You Is is one of Frank's greatest records and probably is underrated. I mean, I don't hear it mentioned a lot. It peaked at #93 on the Billboard charts, putting it pretty close to the middle of Frank's output, by this time (late 1981) 33 original albums.
You Are What You Is is unique among those 33 LPs in that it is pretty much all pop rock songs with a beginning, a middle and an end and a pause before the next song. Oh, and vocals, mostly by Frank, Ike Willis and Ray White. One source claims that "After several years of beating around the bush (or chipping around the edges) of direct political critique, Zappa, in 1981, unleashed You Are What You Is, his most overt and sustained piece of political writing" in more than a decade. (Kelly Lowe, The Words and Music of Frank Zappa.) I think of You Are What You Is as more social commentary rather than political, but maybe there's no difference there.
Anyway, today I would choose "Society Pages" as the top song on the record. It features a shuffle rhythm built around a bluesy little guitar figure. It lampoons a small-town society matron who takes herself way too seriously.
"Heavenly Bank Account" revisits one of Frank's favorite whipping boys (and why not?), the TV preacher. "He's got 20 million dollars in his heavenly bank account/All from those chumps who was born again/Oh yeah!" All over a hymn-like melody, and filled with "Oh yeahs" that sound a lot like "Amens."
And speaking of chumps, "Nothin's worse than a suicide chump." "You say there ain't no use in livin'/It's all a waste of time/And you wanna throw your life away/Well people that's just fine/Go on and get it over with then/Find you a bridge and take a jump/Just make sure you do it right the first time/'Cause nothin's worse than a suicide chump." In this case, accompanied by an appropriately jaunty sound.
Social or political, whatever you want to call it, You Are What You Is not only zaps a whole bunch of people, but it does so in absolutely hilarious fashion.
16. We Are Not Alone, from The Man from Utopia (1983). A hard-driving little big band tune perhaps better performed by Ed Palermo and His Big Band.
17. Let's Make the Water Turn Black, from We're Only In It for the Money (1968). Another great melody from Frank's very early days--one that Frank performed and/or released from time to time throughout his career both with vocal and as an instrumental. It is described as a "patter song," "a staple of comic opera" played at a very rapid pace. In any event, it tells the story of Ronnie and Kenny Williams, who were neighbors of Frank's in Palmdale in 1962, and specifically such activities as lighting their farts on fire and peeing into jars and leaving it over time to see what would grow, and fun stuff like that. "The Idiot Bastard Son" is apparently about the Williamses, too.
18. Sharleena, from Chunga's Revenge (1970). A straight love song, or rather a song of unrequited love in the style of late '50s/early '60s too-wop, passionately sung by Flo and Eddie.
19. Montana, from Over-Nite Sensation (1973). More inspired word play. "I might be movin' to Montana soon/Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss." The lyrics are mostly spoken by Frank who is "Gonna be a dental floss tycoon" (later altered to "dental toss flycoon"). On the Over-Nite Sensation, Tina Turner and the Ikettes do the back-up vocals uncredited. In the coda, Tina and the Ikettes repeatedly sing, "Movin' to Montana soon," answered by Kin Vassy singing, "Yippi-Aye-O-Ti-Yay."
"Montana" was a fan favorite and a staple on tour for many years A second favorite version can be seen on You Tube. It is from a 1974 live performance with Napoleon Murphy Brock on backing vocals. At one point Brock inserts one of those wordless doo-wop backup vocal sounds "poo-poo-poo-poo-ta-na-na," which all seems perfectly normal and natural as a back-up vocal. But Frank follows up matter-of-factly speaking the sounds, "And poo-poo-ta-na-na/And poo-poo ta-na-na," which os of course just totally hilarious when expressed in that way.
20. Who Are the Brain Police?, from Freak Out (1966). Way back when, one only heard sound effects and atmospherics, and of course a story about thought control. Later on, played at a higher rate of speed--both by Zappa and by Ed Palermo, often as an instrumental--the song reveals a lovely melody. Still, the lyrics are typical of the time, showing misfit kids trying to survive and find happiness in an oppressive social system: "What will you do if we let you go home/And the plastic's all melted/And so is the chrome/Who are the brain police?," the final line in an ominously descending minor key.
And Rounding Out the Top 25
21. Bolero, from The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life (1991). This is a fairly straight version of Maurice Ravel's famous orchestra piece but with rock band instruments taking on the melody parts in place of the symphonic instruments. Bruce Fowler's trombone solo is one of many highlights.
22. The Air, from Uncle Meat (1969). More inspired word play: "The air/Escaping from your mouth/The hair escaping from your nose/My heart/Escsaping from the shaping/Of the draping." Ray Collins laconic vocal is just perfect.
23. Stolen Moments, from Broadway the Hard Way (1989). The highest rated song not written by Frank, this is a jazz "standard" written by Oliver Nelson for Eddie "Lockjaw" Davis in 1960. Bruce Fowler plays a pretty trumpet solo, and there's some nice horn section work as well.
24. America Drinks and Goes Home, from Absolutely Free (1967).
25. Hungry Freaks, Daddy, from Freak Out (1966). More hilarity from the early years. In "America Drinks," a womanizer sings (actually it's Ray Collins but in the personna), "I don't regret having met up with a girl who/Breaks hearts like it was nothing it all/I've done it, too, now I know just what it feels like...." Meanwhile, in the background are all the sounds of closing time. Perfect.
"Hungry Freaks" is, of course, more serious business. Once again describing kids in a world of capitalism and Lyndon Johnson, Frank sings, "They won't go for no more/Great midwestern hardware store/Philosophy that turns away/From those who aren't afraid to say what's on their mind/The left behind of the Great Society."
The Second 25/The Top 50
26. You Are What You Is, from the album of the same name (1981). "You is what you am."
27. Cosmik Debris, from Apostrophe' (1974). A great put-down. "'But I got a crystal ball!,' he said."
28. Packard Goose, from Joe's Garage, Act I (1979). "Well fuck all them people/I don't need no excuse/For bein' what I am."
29. Baby Snakes, from Sheik Yerbouti (1979). "Late at night is when they come out."
30. Apostrophe', from the album of the same name (1974). Hard drivin' instrumental with Jack Bruce.
31. Dickie's Such an Asshole, from Broadway the Hard Way (1989). "Used to have 25 tapes/Now I only got 10/Can't remember what happened to the rest/Musta gave 'em to a friend...You know I'm not a crook/I just wanna lie about one more thing right now."
32. Little Green Rosetta, from Joe's Garage, Acts II & III (1979). "A little green rosetta/You'll make a muffin betta."
33. Peaches en Regalia, from Hot Rats (1969). Pretty instrumental.
34. Harder Than Your Husband. "I'll be harder than your husband to get along with."
35. Doreen. "Don't make me wait until tomorrow."
36. Charlie's Enormous Mouth. You don't even wanna know.
37. Goblin Girl. "I been a-hobblin' 'cause of her gobblin'.'"
38. Beauty Knows No Pain, all from You Are What You Is (1981).
39. Mother People, from We're Only In It for the Money (1968). "Do you think that my pants are too tight?/Do you think that I'm creepy.... Better look around before you say you don't care/Shut yer fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair/How could you survive/If you were alive/Shitty little person." Yeah.
40. Outside Now, from Joe's Garage, Acts II and III (1979). "I've got it!/I'll be sullen and withdrawn."
41. A Pound for a Brown on the Bus, from Uncle Meat (1969). Driving instrumental.
42. Brown Shoes Don't Make It, from Absolutely Free (1967). "Be a jerk/Go to work."
43. Murder by Numbers, from Broadway the Hard Way (1989). Sting sings
44. Crew Slut, from Joe's Garage, Act I (1979).
45. Evelyn, a Modified Dog, from One Size Fits All (1975). "'Arf,' she said."
46. Rollo, from Imaginary Diseases (2006).
47. Dinah-Moe Humm, from Overnite Sensation (1974). You don't even wanna know.
48. Eat That Question, from The Grand Wazoo (1973). Driving instrumental. Great piano.
49. My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama, from Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970). Banned in Boston.
50. Tell Me You Love Me, from Chunga's Revenge (1970). Rape fantasy.
And How Could I Not Include... (Honorable Mention)
Absolutely Free (1967)--Call Any Vegetable, Plastic People, Duke of Prunes
We're Only In It for the Money (1968)--Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance, The Idiot Bastard Son, What's the Ugliest Part of Your Body, Concentration Moon
Uncle Meat (1969)--King Kong.
Burnt Weeny Sandwich (1969)--Holiday in Berlin, WPLJ, Valerie
Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970)--Toads of the Short Forest
Chuga's Revenge (1970)--Twenty Small Cigars, Would You Go All the Way?, Rudy Wants to Buy Yez a Drink
Just Another Band from L.A. (1972)--Billy the Mountain
The Grand Wazoo (1972)--For Cleetus (& His Nest Two Hitch-Hikers)
Overnite Sensation (1973)--I'm the Slime, Dirty Love, Zomby Woof
Apostrophe' (1974)--Stink-Foot, Don't Eat the Yellow Snow, Nanook Rubs It, St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast, Father O'Blivion
One Size Fits All (1975)--Can't Afford No Shoes, Florentine Pogen, Po-Jama People
Zoot Allures (1976)--Black Napkins
Zappa in New York (1978)--Big Leg Emma
Sheik Yerbouti (1979)--Dancin' Fool, Jewish Princess
Joe's Garage, Acts I, II and III (1979)--Joe's Garage, Catholic Girls, Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?, Keep It Greasey
The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life (1991)--Stairway to Heaven
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